Bleed for me, I bled for you.

The unapologetic, hormonal rants of a teenage girl

lady_painangel cats, free to a good home...

My sister is a bitch. I'm depressed, so that is all.

So I got yelled at. In a college class. By the teacher. Because I wasn't taking notes.

I have done today's homework, tomorrow's homework, and the next day's homework. So screw you.

But they laughed. They all laughed and once again I find myself standing alone, beset by a hundred, a thousand thoughtless jerks who only want to make my life a living hell.

So I walked out of the classroom. I thumped the wall going down the stairs, tears pricking at my eyes. I wanted to be mad, and pissed off, and for awhile, I was. But it chipped away into sadness. Disparing, dark, utterly hopeless depression.

I went outside to wait for my dad and tried not to cry. I kept beating my wrist against the edge of a stone planter so I wouldn't, and didn't realize how badly I was hurting myself. It's swollen, I can't even pick up a two liter with it, and it's got red dots all over it from where I broke the vein but not the skin. Oops.

Well, well, well. Artisian wells?
So, guess who's house I went over to last night. And guess who groveled on the ground, kissing my boots and my size-two ass (metaphorically, but it was still nice). And guess who told me that dumping me was the worst mistake of his life. And guess who's taking me out to dinner, signing for me to get my belly button peirced, and being my good little bitch boy until he's off probation.

David. <3 Yup. (we're back together, and I will bitchslap Jerica the next time I see her. Period.)

I joined Building Bridges yesterday, a PCC-affiliated program dedicated to helping the homeless. I'm in charge of flyers, but it seems I can't open the files they sent... A .pub file? What program uses that? And can I get it for free? lol. But I was enticed by free donuts, and stayed because this is something I really want to get behind. It's a great cause, the people in charge understand that I'm a student and sometimes I'll miss meetings due to class, and things like that. It's great- like a workstudy job but voulenteer.

I also get to take care of Ariel, Tonya's baby, when she goes into labor. I won't get paid, but she's my friend, she has no one else to watch her, so... I'd be a shitty friend if I just said 'tough luck'.

I'm okay. I'm so happy that David still wants me, and that when he dumped me it was over Jerica, not me. (Oh, karma works... he didn't get laid in the month he was being an ass. He's still not getting laid, although I know the majority of his sweet spots and keep fucking with him. So... Blue balls, check.)

Midterms are comming up so quickly, I'm shocked- my test portion of my Public Speaking midterm is due Monday, and my American Government will be taken tomorrow. I have no idea when my English Comp midterm will be, but I assume it'll be just another paper? Maybe? I hope? And my Math isn't far enough along to even consider a chapter test, let alone a midterm.

Speaking of Math, I found the perfect shirt for me. It says "I <3 math. 1+1=11."

Um, ow.
Jeez, what is his problem? My sister says he doesn't want to loose me as a friend, but can you explain why he doesn't talk to me for three weeks and then decides he wants to call me at least twice a day? He says he's still intrested in me, but unless there's some serious changes, I DON'T KNOW IF I WANT HIM. And it hurts me... because a few days ago he was my one true love. And shit.

Anyways, Mary Janice Davidson has lost a bit of her shine in my eyes.... If you read her book, Dead and Loving it, you'll understand. It seems she can't develop any characters, only put diffrent body styles and race and hair color and crap on them. Only I'm not too sure about the hair, because with the exception of Betsy they're all redheads. And all the guys are cool-headed, sexy, muscled, lonesome, powerful... you get my drift.

Her series is good, it's just if she's going to write a collection of stories, they don't need to be the same plot and actors with a diffrent background. You know?

I hae a pain in my chest, a bad taste in my mouth, and those are signs of a panic attack, so farewell.

Fucking ballsy little.... GAH!
So he called. David. Yeah. Him. That guy. The one I love, the one I'm pissed at beyond belief, that guy. GAH.

So he got dumped... his little tartlet cheated on him with Creature... yeah... eheh... And basically said 'eff you' to him and left.

"The last few days have been hell!" Confided David, to much merriment on my part. Last few days... try... last three weeks, maybe? Jeeze.

I did get a good line in... "guys don't change. I've learned that by now." It shut him up for a good half a minute to which he replied "some girls don't either." Yeah, well... whatever. That was weak.

I still haven't called him out about the cowardly text break-up thing, but believe me, it's comming. He wants to be even merely my friend, he's going to have to walk through lava and kiss my 'Emo boots' before he even gets a handshake from me.


How could you?
You send me an email titled 'Innocence'. It was just a chain letter, but how could you? You, who stole mine away, when I was just a little baby? I knew nothing of it then, but it ruined my life. It ruined several relationships and more than one friendship. You, who want to be my father again yet won't fess up to the things I have solid, documented proof on- like the fact you beat and sent my mother to the hospital on several occasions.

I am so angry right now. I am more pissed than I have been at all this year. How could you? Knowing full well what you've done, how could you?

I don't think you're human. I think you're a monster.

“I love you.” Said the girl to the boy as they exchanged kisses under the gold-flecked leaves. His acknowledgment- soft, hesitant- and his reply- quiet, murmured- went by unnoticed as the girl, wrapped in her adoration for him, only heard the words.
“Good-bye.” Said the boy, a few months later, after the girl had given him everything she could. After her love had reached a peak and was forecasted to continue steadily, after innocence was gone, after multiple gifts had been bestowed, he said “good-bye” as if they were only friends. As if he owed her nothing and she owed him naught.
She cried. Days and nights she nursed her shattered heart, fending off everyone else who might have meant anything. Weeks passed before she decided to hide the tears, forge a replacement smile, and try to live without the one she loved. She returned, happy and beautiful and bold, and lived her life.
Her life passed, slowly, the pain ever present in her life. It showed to no one, but a box she kept held the few things he had given her… a box to remind her that where ever he was, whatever he was doing, she still held the scraps of their love in her heart. Soon she was old.
Her sister’s children, the only ones to take care of her, put her in a home for old, broken people like her. The rooms stank of loss, and soon hope evaporated from her soul. The gold became grey.
There was a man there, one who stood out despite the monochrome colors of life in this place. He never seemed to notice her, hunched over his wheelchair, constantly despondent. One day, when she knew she was dying, she crept over to the man and whispered in his ear.
“I loved you once.” She said. Tears unshed for decades fell as she spoke, and he looked up.
“I knew.” He said, and then looked back down, at bare toes warped with age, frowning as if the yellow nails could replace golden memories.

sorry, David, but... fuck you.
So, funniness happened.

My dad was taking me to school, right? Just a normal day. And then David pulls in behind us, follows us for half an hour. I guess he finally realized who's car it was, 'cause he zoomed around us- and promptly got pulled over for speeding by the unmarked cop sitting on the side of the road. His face was priceless... the 'oh shit I'm so stupid' face.

It made my day. In fact, I put it on

My mom laughed, and so did my dad. I have awesome parents.

I dressed sexily today. Black tank, mini skirt with chains (hot topic), studded belt (hot topic), red and black gloves (hot topic), tights, and converse knee-highs... I looked good. My friend Maggie even said so, stepping back to admire me. She has a way of making me feel loved.

It was a good day, in short. AND I got introduced to the Alan Parsons Project's CD, "Tales of Mystery and Imagination". All the songs on this album are Edgar Allen Poe stories and poems... I just fell in love.

I hate today. I'm all alone. My mother friggin had to buy me chocolate.

My sister brought up the wrong topic yesterday... Asked me if I had any idea why David broke up with me... I told her that our mom thought I intimidated him through my smarts, ect, and she gave me this look of "what do you think you have on me?" It hurt. I then mentioned that Creature thinks it was because he always sabotages anything good in his life... once again, there was a look, and this one was of "you? Good? for anyone? please." She said it was probably true, but I know she doesn't want me to be happy. She wants me to be miserable alone like she is miserable with her man. Well... she's getting her wish.

DOT DOT DOT (because it's more emphatic when written.)
I love my sister. I really do. Some days I have to remind myself of this, and other days, when the medicine is working, I just laugh and laugh and laugh.

I had an encounter of the latter kind today. She called, bitching about the fact that we want to celebrate her daughter's birthday on Valentine's day because my aunt will be here and she'd love to see that, but no... Valentine's Day is the only day she and her boy toy can be assured of spending together (only 'cause he's on an ankle bracelet!) so she doesn't want it. I explained to her that it was the only day our aunt would be able to do it (arrive on Saturday, depart on Monday... oh, the evils of a workaholic)
So, she got even more pissy.

"Forget it. I'm not fighting with you over the phone."

"We were fighting?" (Me)


So she hung up, I laughed, and I realized my sister just disproved the theroy that it takes two people to fight.

Then I called my mom, told her to be proud of said disproved theroy, she laughed and bemoaned the idea that my sister was out for a fight and would probably be calling my mom next. Eeep.

My parents are not home from bowling yet, so I guess I'll just wait.

Oh... And David broke up with me on the third... according to his best friend and my inside informant, he's already on his second girlfriend after me... What a fucking slut. He just TOTALED his chances of ever getting back with me... I'm clean. I don't want to catch anything.


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